Emotional intelligence is gauged through the Emotional Intelligence Quotient or EQ. It plays a crucial role in a child’s self-awareness and their ability to understand the emotions of others.
A child with a high emotional quotient tends to be more responsible and respectful, demonstrating increased empathy and better self-restraint. Conversely, a child with lower emotional intelligence may feel vulnerable, especially if lacking emotional support at home. This vulnerability could lead to peer pressure, anxiety, and a coping mechanism of projecting toughness, potentially resulting in negative behaviors like bullying or underachievement due to low motivation.
Psychologists identify four types of intelligence: IQ, EQ, SQ, and AQ.
- Intelligence Quotient (IQ): This measures comprehension ability, including solving problems, memorization, and recalling subject matters.
- Emotional Quotient (EQ): This gauges the ability to maintain peace with others, be responsible, honest, respectful, humble, genuine, and considerate.
- Social Quotient (SQ): This measures the ability to build and maintain a network of friends over an extended period.
Individuals with higher EQ and SQ often experience greater success in life compared to those with high IQ but lower EQ and SQ. While schools tend to focus on improving IQ, the importance of EQ and SQ is sometimes overlooked.
A person with high EQ and SQ might surpass someone with a higher IQ in professional success. EQ reflects one’s character, while SQ represents charisma. It is crucial to cultivate habits that enhance all three quotients, with a particular emphasis on EQ and SQ, as they significantly contribute to effective management skills.
In the current VUCA (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, and Ambiguity) environment, there is a fourth quotient:
- Adversity Quotient (AQ): This measures one’s ability to navigate challenging situations without losing mental resilience. AQ determines who can persevere through tough times without giving up or abandoning their responsibilities. In the context of challenges like the COVID-19 pandemic, individuals with a high AQ are better equipped to cope with unforeseen adversity and maintain mental well-being
- Emotional intelligence skills are not just useful in everyday life; they also contribute to academic success and future professional achievements for children.
A 2011 meta-analysis in the journal Child Development revealed that schools emphasizing social-emotional learning had an 11-percent advantage in high-stakes achievement tests compared to those without such a focus. This study, evaluating 213 school-based programs, underscores the significant impact of emotional intelligence on academic performance.
In a 20-year retrospective study published in the American Journal of Public Health in 2015, researchers found a strong correlation between social-emotional competencies in children at kindergarten age and their outcomes at 25. For each point increase in the original score, there was a 54-percent higher likelihood of high school graduation, twice the chance of attaining a college degree, and a 46-percent increased likelihood of having a full-time job at age 25.
As children enter the workforce, there’s a growing demand for critical, creative, and innovative thinkers. Employers seek individuals who can collaborate, work in teams, and navigate cross-cultural communication in a global economy. These essential skills include perspective taking, empathy, and social awareness—qualities encompassed in social-emotional competencies. According to Miller, these competencies have become the foundation of what employers value, making them crucial for future success in the evolving workplace.
Building social-emotional intelligence is an acquirable set of skills, according to Miller. These skills can be learned at any stage of life since they are not innate or fixed; rather, they are dynamic and evolving. Miller emphasizes that every child, regardless of income or cultural background, benefits from support in developing these crucial skills. As children grow, they naturally work on enhancing their social-emotional abilities, making support in this area critical for their overall development.
- Supporting toddlers and preschoolers in developing their emotional understanding involves expanding their vocabulary to express feelings. Encourage your child to identify and name their emotions, using words like “frustrated,” “lonely,” or “surprised.” According to Lee, when children can articulate their feelings, they become better equipped to comprehend and manage them.
Parents can assist their toddlers or preschoolers by creating a safe space to navigate their emotions. Miller suggests leading the child away from a public setting where they might feel humiliated and into a secure area. In this space, parents can model calming techniques, guide the child through deep breathing, and then use words to confirm the child’s feelings. Miller emphasizes the importance of briefly stating observations like, “It seems like you’re really frustrated, is that right?” This practice helps the child begin to recognize and label their emotions.
Supporting elementary school students in their social and emotional development involves focusing on specific skills and situations.
- Foster friendship skills: For children in pre-K to second grade, forming genuine friendships is a new experience. Parents can provide assistance by helping their children practice making introductions, especially at the beginning of the school year. Using stuffed animals or action figures, parents can simulate introductions and conversations, creating a comfortable environment for children to learn and practice friend-making skills.
Demonstrate empathy: In elementary school, friendships become increasingly significant. Parents can aid their children in identifying and understanding peers’ facial expressions and perspectives. Creating a foundation for genuine friendships involves teaching children how to empathize with others. Parents can model empathy by discussing friends’ emotions at home and asking questions like, “I wonder how your friend is doing; she seemed a little sad the other day.” Encouraging an empathic frame of mind during these formative years is crucial.
Practice self-management techniques: For third- through sixth-graders dealing with more complex social issues like bullying, self-management skills become essential. Parents can help their children become responsible decision-makers by discussing values and practicing various scenarios at home. This includes teaching children how to handle being picked on, respond to bullies, support friends facing bullying, and knowing when to disengage from negative situations. Additionally, addressing performance anxiety and coping skills is crucial, as children may face pressure related to academic or sports performance. Parents can guide conversations about dealing with frustration, persisting toward goals, and handling feelings of embarrassment or humiliation in front of peers.
- To assist middle school students, it’s crucial to delve into discussions about morals and ethics. This stage marks the beginning of their moral and ethical development, transitioning from a focus on personal achievements to an awareness of their place in a broader community and humanity. Engaging in these conversations with your middle schooler can help them shape their values and foster a more comprehensive worldview.
Another key aspect during this period is maintaining open communication. As a parent, it’s important to address the challenges of puberty, including pushback and boundary-testing. By openly discussing boundaries and explaining their importance, you can create a supportive environment. Keeping communication lines open is vital, especially since middle schoolers are becoming more interested in social justice issues related to both the world and their personal lives. This approach ensures that when significant issues arise, your child feels comfortable coming to you rather than seeking advice elsewhere.
Supporting high schoolers involves providing space for them to establish their identity while staying connected and offering guidance. Miller highlights the importance of allowing teenagers the independence they seek, acknowledging that creating independence within a household can be challenging. Encourage them to spend time with friends and alone, fostering self-identity development.
To strengthen your teen’s sense of resilience, share stories from their childhood that showcase their strength and perseverance. This can be particularly beneficial during high-pressure moments when they are navigating social expectations and trying to define their identity.
While giving them space, it’s crucial to maintain a strong connection. Engage in thoughtful conversations with your high schooler, encouraging critical thinking in decision-making. Lee emphasizes that recognizing this phase of differentiation from parents is normal and healthy for teenagers as they formulate their own identities.
As parents, being the primary teachers, it’s essential to model emotional and social skills. Miller emphasizes the ongoing development of social and emotional competence for every individual, highlighting the role parents play in demonstrating and building these skills.
The significance of empathy in emotional intelligence starts at an early age. Lee suggests parents begin demonstrating empathy around elementary school age, aiding children in understanding what it means to be a good friend by discerning and responding to others’ feelings.